I havent taken a huge risk
For a very long time
I havent let my heart
Skip and beat faster than my breath
I have stagnated.
How can I write
Something far far true
Than just living life
If I just live life
Without jumping for the sky, as feet bleeds?
I am over sensitivising
Petty feelings and slight surges
Of common emotions
Just so I wont get petty myself
In my own senses.
But my creations look at me
In half living souls
They dont feel in flames-
Burning with life burning with life
They dont feel fulfilled.
And I am to blame
For I have not risked enough
Not stood in all rains floods and fires
Not dived in all earth or jumped for
I have not resourced enough
Myself and the world around
A coward can not sing
A song to wash away broken pain
Or thoughtless gnaw, gnawing to lose.
I fear for my body’s harm
I fear the financial unsurity
I fear if I lose the dice
I might lose myself
Yet myself goes hazy, hazier, as I hide behind my fears.
So in make believe world
And soft fantasies
I plant cardboard sets of hardcore setting
I hope with plaster
To paint the heat and dance of fiery rain.
This lament is not a lament, not a confession
But a hope of a mirror sculpture
Mirroring the blindness of thinking
To expand while the loop overexploits
The few exploited passions
That still is handy, still can be
Tweaked and twisted
To as if invoke an original tear
As I crawl in my cosy corner, world as is left to the world.
I do not know if it is to expand
My life, the creator’s life
Of my creations. I do not know
If I could make them be so so much better
As full, as true,as honest lives, passionate.
Passionate as much as their creator
Would be in strife to helm universe entire
Nay, not only, but the truth itself
Truth wider than reality, and reality in truth
And thus a realer creation create.
Ps: there are some words like realer, srnsitivising etc that I have used. They may not be real words but I suppose the meanings are well understood. It just felt more compact to use them.